Acceptable Sacrifice

I had inclined to be contemptuous of my father for the conditions of his life, for the conditions of our lives.  When his life had ended I began to wonder about that life and also, in a new way, to be apprehensive about my own.

Notes of a Native Son by James Baldwin

Martin tried to slow his breathing, “Steady now, Martin, you’re going to pass out if you don’t calm down, calm down for your mother,” he mused to himself.   He struggled to hold it together.   He wanted to convince himself that it wasn’t true – it just couldn’t be so.   He thought that if he could convince himself that his mother wasn’t going to die, then he could convince her that it couldn’t be true, that the Jesus she loved wouldn’t send this whirlwind into their lives.