What Happens at Home Stays at Home

“Sunny day sweeping the clouds away, on my way to where the air is sweet, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?”  The television in Ameea’s room came on with a blast. Eyes still closed, Kenya felt around the bed for the remote but had no luck. She completely forgot about the timer set to help wake Ameea in the mornings. Still searching for the remote to lower the volume, Kenya rolled over to the left and went crashing to the floor with a loud thud. Flat on her back, she was instantly reminded that the twin-size bed in Ameea’s room was much smaller than the king size bed in hers. Kenya freed herself from the Elmo covers twisted around her legs and got up from the floor. Rubbing her now throbbing hip, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, and headed to the kitchen to make Saturday morning breakfast. It had been a long week and Kenya was looking forward to the day she had planned of much needed girl time with her BFF, Nikki. The smell of maple bacon, eggs, and pancakes brought Ameea to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Mommy!”

“Good morning, Honey Bear.”

Ameea wrapped her arms around Kenya’s legs for a hug and had a seat at the table.

“For our sleepover tonight, Mommy, I want to make a princess tent and read dark time stories.”

“Bedtime stories,” Kenya corrected with a smile.

“Yes, Mommy, bedtime stories and make some popcorn too.”

Kenya sat at the table smiling while watching Ameea stuff her face with pancakes.  Last night’s sleepover consisted of polishing nails and playing in Mommy’s makeup. The night before that was movie night where Ameea insisted on watching “The Little Mermaid” – for the 50^th time.  It was the night before that when Kenya couldn’t sleep and found a spot lying next to her daughter watching Big Bird play hide and seek with Snuffy.  It wasn’t her intention to fall asleep there, but it was the most rest she’d had in a few days.  Ameea loved the idea of Mommy staying in her room, so the next night she insisted Kenya sleep with her again.  It had been two days since Anthony had stormed out the house after an argument, so Kenya agreed – thankful for the distraction Ameea’s sleepovers provided.  Not only did it help keep her mind off Anthony, but she also got to spend precious time with her baby girl.

“Can we read the one about the bears that eat the grandma and all her oatmeal?” Ameea’s question interrupted Kenya’s thoughts with a laugh.

“Goldilocks ate the bears’ ‘porridge’ and the Big Bad Wolf ate Grandma.”

Ameea shrugged her shoulders and kept eating. 

“Are you excited about spending the day at Granny’s house?”

Ameea threw her hands in the air and shouted as loud as she could, “Yes!” 

Kenya laughed as her little girl jumped out the chair and did a dance in the middle of the kitchen floor.  Ameea was her heart and joy.  Although Kenya’s relationship with Ameea’s dad was short-lived and based on pure pleasures of the flesh, she was glad their lives had crossed paths.

“OK, Ms. Silly, time to get dressed so you can hang out with Granny.” 

After dropping Ameea off with her mom, Kenya drove toward the mall where she and Nikki had agreed to meet.  Alone in the car, Kenya’s thoughts were focused on Anthony.  This wasn’t the first time they’d had an argument about him hanging out until the wee hours of the morning; nor was this the first time he hadn’t come home overnight.  Kenya glanced at her cell phone lying in the passenger seat.  She wanted so badly to call him, apologize for making such a fuss about things, and convince him to come home. She missed him terribly and felt a sort of emptiness without him. Shaking her head, Kenya shoved the phone down in her purse. She was sticking to her guns this time. She was not going to call, begging Anthony to come home again. As much as she missed him, if things were going to be rectified, he would have to come chasing her this time. Kenya turned up the volume on the radio. Singing along, she tried to push Anthony as far from her mind as possible. It wasn’t until the second verse of the song that Kenya felt the sadness stirring up in her chest. She knew all too well that Anthony had no intention of calling. Most likely, he’d show up some time tonight. Strolling in like nothing happened. If Kenya dared bring up the subject, it would just make him mad all over again and that would mean another day or two without him home. Kenya wiped a tear from her eye and dug the phone out from her purse. Just as she was about to enter her lock code, the phone started ringing.

“Hello? Hey, girl, where are you?” Nikki was already at the mall and waiting for Kenya’s arrival.

“Hey, Nik, I’m pulling into the parking lot right now. I’ll meet you at the entrance by Macy’s.” Kenya hung up the phone and pulled into the lot. She sat there for a moment, looking down at her phone. Taking a deep breath in and out, she shoved it back into her purse. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, Kenya put on a smile and went to meet Nikki.

“About time, took you long enough.” Nikki embraced Kenya with a tight hug.

“Whatever, didn’t know you were missing me that bad.” Kenya closed her eyes as her friend embraced her, holding on a little longer than Nikki did.

“You OK?” Nikki pulled back to look Kenya in the face.

“I’m fine, just missed you.” Kenya let go and put back on her smile as they headed into the mall.

The two friends spent most of the afternoon going in and out of stores, trying on clothes and shoes, and playing catch up on the latest gossip and happenings in each other lives.

“So how is Anthony? I’m surprised you haven’t spoken of the king once since we’ve been here.” Nikki’s voice was loaded with sarcasm as she searched a stack of jeans for her size.

Kenya felt her stomach turn into knots at the mention of Anthony’s name. Her tongue was on fire with the all the things she wanted to share with her best friend about her relationship but she was taught as a child not to discuss household business out in the streets. But this was Nikki – her best friend since the first grade. She could tell Nikki anything in the world, knowing she wouldn’t be judged or criticized for it….right? Somehow Kenya managed to smother the flames of her tongue and brought her face into a playful frown.  

“Ha! Ha! Ha! You’re so funny. ‘My King’ is doing just fine – thank you very much for asking. I thought this was a girl’s day. I’d prefer not to talk about the men.” Kenya wanted to get off the subject of Anthony as quickly as she could.  She didn’t want to take the chance of Nikki stirring up emotions she was so desperately trying to avoid.

“My bad, Boo! I was just trying to be polite.” Nikki pulled a size 10 jeans from the pile and headed to the checkout line. “We’ve been in this mall for almost three and a half hours. Are you ready for some dinner?”

“Yeah, I could eat.” Although Kenya made breakfast that morning, she hadn’t eaten much of it. She didn’t have an appetite for food with things in turmoil between her and Anthony.

“Cool, let’s go to that Mexican spot with the different flavor margaritas.” Nikki paid for her jeans and they headed out of the mall.

The knots in Kenya’s stomach were starting to return as she and Nikki walked toward the parking lot. She felt like a chipmunk during gathering season. Her mouth was stuffed with all the things she wanted to share with Nikki, but they just wouldn’t come out. Kenya struggled with the thoughts going back and forth in her head: “She already don’t like him…You just gonna give her more reason not to…Nikki’s not like that – you can trust her with anything…Keep your business to yourself…She’s your best friend – it will feel better to talk about it with someone.”

“OK, I’ll meet you there. Hello? Earth to Kenya.” Nikki snapped her fingers in Kenya’s face.

“I heard you, meet you there,” Kenya pushed Nikki’s hand away.

“You sure you’re OK, Ken-Ken? You’ve been sort of a space cadet all day.”

Kenya put back on her smile, “For the last time, I am fine. Let’s go eat!”

“Welcome ladies, can I get you started with something to drink?” the waitress said as she sat Kenya and Nikki at a booth and passed them both a menu.

“Two Cokes for now will be fine thanks.” Nikki sat her menu down and the waitress went away for the drinks.

“It’s quiet in here for a Saturday afternoon. Where is everybody?” Kenya scanned the empty room, noticing only three other tables were being served in the usually packed restaurant.

“I think I’m going to try the fajitas today. What are you getting Ken?

“Hmm, I think I’ll stick with the usual – chicken quesadillas and rice.”

“Oh my goodness, try something new for a change,” Nikki rolled her eyes. Kenya ordered the same thing at every restaurant they went to. If it was Friday’s, she ordered the sizzling chicken and shrimp; if it was Red Lobster, she ordered the shrimp scampi; even at Popeye’s, she got the same three piece dark with red beans and rice. It was hard to get her out of her comfort zone.

Their food came out piping hot in less than ten minutes. Nikki dropped her head to pray over her meal as Kenya watched from across the booth.

“Amen. So I was thinking about going on a cruise for my birthday this year, maybe to the Virgin Islands or the Bahamas. Better yet, we should go hit the strip in Vegas, maybe come up on the slot machines.” Nikki went on and on for a while longer about the different places she wanted to go for her birthday, and how they both needed to start hitting the gym to get ready for the trip while she put her fajitas together and ate. Kenya thought back to the time she and Anthony spent her birthday in Cancun one year. She’d had so much fun. It was her first time going on a “real vacation” where you actually pack luggage, ride a plane, and stay at a hotel. She was used to packing a bag for those long car rides down south to stay at some relatives’ house you barely even really knew.  The knots in Kenya’s stomach returned.

“Or we could rent a penthouse in New York and go to the Empire State building, see the Statue of Liberty, go to Time Square and Central Park, what you think?” Nikki looked up from her plate to get Kenya’s opinion. Kenya hadn’t taken a bite of food. She was pushing the rice around with her fork, and there was a single tear running down the side of her left cheek.

“Oh, Ken, what’s wrong? Talk to me, please.” Nikki got up from her seat to sit next to Kenya in the booth. She wrapped her arms around her friend and hugged her tight. As soon as Nikki wrapped her in her arms, Kenya could feel the knots instantly go away. Her tears flowed more freely as Nikki began to slowly rock her from side to side.

“It’s OK. Let it go Boo.  Everything is going to be alright.” Nikki kept rocking and held on tight to her best friend. Kenya started to feel embarrassed. She was out to dinner in a public place and here she was crying like a baby. She started to imagine how people must be looking at her, wondering what was going on. She wanted to push Nikki away, wipe her face and run home. Then she remembered how empty the place had been when they first came in. It had even been a while since the waitress came over to check on them. Kenya sat up a little in the seat giving Nikki the OK to release her from her arms. The two friends sat shoulder to shoulder with their heads leaning in toward each other. Neither said a word for a while. Kenya was looking for the knots in her stomach to return or for her tongue to catch fire, but neither happened. She felt a sort of calmness come over her, so she started to speak.

“Anthony hasn’t been home for the past three days. We had an argument and he just up and left, and hasn’t been back. Sometimes I think I’m just making a big deal out of nothing because there is so much he does for me and Ameea. I mean, to begin with, how many men do you know take care of their kids, yet alone another man’s child? He has been in Ameea’s life since she was just a few months old and he’s the only father she knows. Heck, her own father lives less than thirty minutes away and has only seen her four times in her entire life. Ant has been there in ways I’ve never known a man to be. He pays the entire rent each month. We don’t go half, he pays it all. He pays the insurance on my car and his, and he gives whatever extra I may ask him for.  He was the one there in the middle of the night when the baby wasn’t feeling good and he was the one cheering me on when I decided to go back to school. He used to write love notes and leave them in random places for me to find and sent flowers to the job for no reason. He’s the first man in my life to make me feel protected and loved. We used to spend tons of time together doing things as a family, but the past few months have just been different. I thought for sure, after four years, we’d be working on wedding plans by now, but things seem to be going in the opposite direction. I’ve praised this man so much, I was just ashamed to tell anyone about what was going on. He says he’s going out with his guys to have a drink or this or that, but something in my heart just doesn’t feel right. I love him so much Nik, and I just can’t handle thinking the worst of him. What would Ameea and I do without him?” Kenya let out a deep breath and placed her head on Nikki’s shoulder.

Nikki wrapped her arm back around her friend, gently rubbing Kenya’s arm up and down. “Oh, Ken-Ken, I hate to see you like this. You know you don’t have to pretend everything is all hunky dory around me. I know you love Anthony and I wouldn’t try to convince you of anything different. I just want you to see the reasons why you love him and be healed from those things, and maybe in the process the love you so desperately want will be revealed.”

Kenya looked up at Nikki in confusion. “What are you talking about? I love him because he’s a good man, period.”

“Anthony is a good person, yes. He’s been a great a father figure to Ameea, yes. And I think he’s also been sort of a father figure for you too Ken.” Nikki’s words added confusion on top of confusion, and it was written all over Kenya’s face.

“Think about it. What is it that you’ve always said since we were kids? ‘When you have a child, you’d make sure they get to grow up with their dad since you didn’t.’ You missed out on the dad in your life and you don’t want Ameea to go through the same thing. So here is a man that’s giving your child the ‘father’ you’ve always wanted to have. Thank God because her own father failed just like yours did. And on top of being the father in Ameea’s life, in a way he’s been the father figure in your life too. You just said it yourself; he’s the first man to make you feel loved and protected. That’s the role your father should have had in your life. Please don’t think for a moment that I’m judging you or think less of you in any way. I just think that the piece of your heart that’s been longing for that fatherly love has attached itself to Anthony, even though the other pieces of your heart feel something different. I want nothing more than for you and Ameea to be happy and that is possible without Anthony. You have to believe that there is someone out there in the world that God has created to fit all your imperfections perfectly. You don’t have to settle.”

“I’m not settling; I just want Anthony.  My heart loves Anthony. And I refuse to believe that this ‘God’ that people like to boast about, who’s supposed to be all-loving and all-powerful, gives two craps about my life. I’ve never felt real love before Anthony came into my life, Nik. Yes, my mom loved me but she was busy living her own life. Yes, this man is flawed but I love him and I know deep down he loves me too. Whatever it is that’s going on, I can fix it. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything about it to you.” Kenya threw the money for her meal on the table, grabbed her jacket and stormed out the restaurant to her car with Nikki chasing close behind.

“Kenya wait, come back! I didn’t mean to say anything to offend you.” Nikki caught up with Kenya in the parking lot.

“It’s cool, don’t worry about it, Nik. I’ll talk to you later. I have to pick up my baby.” Kenya got in her car, closed the door, and started the engine.

“Kenya!” Nikki couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Jesus, please help my friend.” Nikki went back into the restaurant to take care of the bill.

Kenya picked up a sleeping Ameea from her mom and headed home. Her phone had been ringing nonstop since she pulled off from Nikki. She knew in her heart that Nikki meant well, but she didn’t want to talk about it anymore tonight. Kenya finally dug the phone out of her purse to put the phone on silent and saw that it was actually Anthony calling.

“Hello?” Kenya tried not to sound anxious but her voice was shaky.

“Hey baby, where are you all? I came home and my girls aren’t here.”

Kenya felt her heart melt and a true smile covered her face from ear to ear. “We’re only five minutes away from the house baby.”

“OK, hurry up. I miss ya’ll.” Anthony and Kenya hung up the phone.

Kenya adjusted the rear view mirror so she could see Ameea as she slept in the back seat. Her princess was sound asleep, without a care in the world. “Yep, everything is going to be alright. Mommy promises you that.”